Reverent Traditions and Spinning Plates

Silence and stillness was all I heard as I stepped out of my car. The Mt. Angel Abbey is one of my all time favorite places and I was thankful to have an excuse to go mid week. I had been to mass at the Abbey before, but this time was different. I stepped into the massive building and sat down in the back pew. As a few people filtered in, I prayed that my heart would be in a posture of receptivity during the mass service. The service was just like the other catholic services I had been to. I would stand up, then sit down, say something, sing, stand up, sit down, so on and so forth. But through this entire process, something happened within me that I hadn't experienced in a long time. As I listened to the hymns and chants echo through the building, I felt a deep reverence for God rise up within me. I couldn't help but be in awe with my Creator. I couldn't help but thank Jesus for dying for me. I couldn't help but thank Him for saving me. I couldn't help but fear the Lord, for I knew He had chosen me.

My response was then a sincere apology. I sat there and just recognized how I had minimized the immensity of my Father and King. I sat there wondering how we lost it. How we lost this reverence for an Almighty God. I thought about how modern Christianity heavily presses us towards the belief of God as our friend. I am not discounting this truth, the reality that God is near to me like a friend completely saved my faith. But, I realized within that truth I had abandoned my genuine fear of the Lord. I began to pray and process how to find that balance of having full reverence for God, yet knowing He is near and intimate with me like a friend. It was hard for me to be in a posture of reverence without making God very distant. As I sat there, I observed the people around me doing all the Catholic rituals. They were keeping the traditions, rituals, and commandments of their faith. I thought of the verse that is my least favorite and most favorite verse all in one.

"And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength".

That verse frustrates me because I never feel like I can do it. I find myself feeling like I am always "behind" in loving God, keeping His commandments, serving people, etc. Yet, I know that is not God's intention for this verse. He doesn't desire that we spin a bunch of plates to keep up with loving Him and holding true to His commandments. I sat there pondering how to love God with everything, keep His commandments, have a deep reverence for Him, and still relate to Him like a friend...without feeling guilty about my shortcomings. My human intentions wanted to start spinning my plates again, but I quietly heard the Holy Spirit say, "Listen". I closed my eyes and listened. "Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven..." I continued to listen as everyone chanted the Lord's prayer. As I was just dwelling in the moment, the Lord reminded me of a verse I had been chewing on the past few weeks. 

"For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome." 1 John 5:3

With that, I found peace. My desire was to have reverence of my God like the people around me in the Catholic mass service. My desire was to be near to Him like a friend. My desire was to keep His commandments because I know they are good. My desire was to love Him with my heart, mind, and soul. And my human intentions were to start spinning my plates to make it happen. But instead, I held firm to the truth of His word. 

"For this is the love of God...his commandments are not burdensome."