I read about you many times before...

I've spent a lot of time thinking about what this term of Theology did for me as a whole. The entire term was built around practical theology; the idea of knowing and doing theology. I knew I received significant revelation every week, but I wanted to articulate what the entire term did for me. As I was pondering this, I was reminded of last spring when I heard Francis Chan speak at Washington Family Ranch. He said something along the lines of, "Christians today often seek the Moses' instead of going upon the mountain themselves". The main point of his talk was that Christians are running towards the modern day Moses (like Francis Chan, John Piper, pastors, mentors, etc) in order to talk to God, instead of just walking up the mountain to talk to God directly themselves. Christians often forget that they don't need a Moses in order to talk to God. As I was thinking about how this relates to Practical Theology, I began to see similarities of this concept in my life. My "Moses" was my theology books. I studied and read all about theology in order to communicate with God, instead of just going up the mountain. I realized that this term helped me to turn to God Himself for further understanding and use my theology books (or my "moses") only to help with that understanding. It helped me to step into practicing theology and encountering God, not just knowing it by the book. I can't quite articulate what it did, so I wrote some sort of poem. Or maybe a song. Either way, here's how I feel about the term.

I read about you many times before...

I heard of the sacrifice you chose to make. 

Emptying yourself for my sake.

The privilege of divinity, but the choice to become man.

For the purpose of His ultimate plan.

I read about you many times before...

The story unfolds to death on cross.

To pay the price so I wouldn't have to face the loss.

Instead I could drop my net and follow You,

And bring Heaven to an Earth that has gone askew.

I read about you many times before...

The journey would be hard and not an easy one they said,

but it would be a response worthy of the blood that was shed.

Amongst the chaos and works of the enemy,

He will bring abundant life and bring it plentifully.

I read about you many times before...

The lies would begin and identity gaps would widen,

But the Word will bring truth enlightened.

Roses and rocks would cry for forgiveness,

And my response would be an act of witness.

I read about you many times before...

Inside the traditions of your Church,

And beyond those four walls, You perch. 

I read of this God who desired my attention,

And was calling me further into His affection.

I read about you many times before...

But that's all I ever did.

All I knew of You, was what I had read.

But once I put the words on the page into action,

The relationship with You became an attraction.

Once the cross was upon my shoulder,

I found my love grew bolder.

Once I held the rose and chose to forgive,

I realized the life you called me to live.

All that I had known and all that I read,

Was simply just knowledge for the dead.

I read about you many times before...

But the knowledge I gained and the words I read,

Were nothing compared to the experiences that brought life to the dead.

I read about you many times before...

But experiencing You has been worth much more.

Reverent Traditions and Spinning Plates

Silence and stillness was all I heard as I stepped out of my car. The Mt. Angel Abbey is one of my all time favorite places and I was thankful to have an excuse to go mid week. I had been to mass at the Abbey before, but this time was different. I stepped into the massive building and sat down in the back pew. As a few people filtered in, I prayed that my heart would be in a posture of receptivity during the mass service. The service was just like the other catholic services I had been to. I would stand up, then sit down, say something, sing, stand up, sit down, so on and so forth. But through this entire process, something happened within me that I hadn't experienced in a long time. As I listened to the hymns and chants echo through the building, I felt a deep reverence for God rise up within me. I couldn't help but be in awe with my Creator. I couldn't help but thank Jesus for dying for me. I couldn't help but thank Him for saving me. I couldn't help but fear the Lord, for I knew He had chosen me.

My response was then a sincere apology. I sat there and just recognized how I had minimized the immensity of my Father and King. I sat there wondering how we lost it. How we lost this reverence for an Almighty God. I thought about how modern Christianity heavily presses us towards the belief of God as our friend. I am not discounting this truth, the reality that God is near to me like a friend completely saved my faith. But, I realized within that truth I had abandoned my genuine fear of the Lord. I began to pray and process how to find that balance of having full reverence for God, yet knowing He is near and intimate with me like a friend. It was hard for me to be in a posture of reverence without making God very distant. As I sat there, I observed the people around me doing all the Catholic rituals. They were keeping the traditions, rituals, and commandments of their faith. I thought of the verse that is my least favorite and most favorite verse all in one.

"And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength".

That verse frustrates me because I never feel like I can do it. I find myself feeling like I am always "behind" in loving God, keeping His commandments, serving people, etc. Yet, I know that is not God's intention for this verse. He doesn't desire that we spin a bunch of plates to keep up with loving Him and holding true to His commandments. I sat there pondering how to love God with everything, keep His commandments, have a deep reverence for Him, and still relate to Him like a friend...without feeling guilty about my shortcomings. My human intentions wanted to start spinning my plates again, but I quietly heard the Holy Spirit say, "Listen". I closed my eyes and listened. "Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven..." I continued to listen as everyone chanted the Lord's prayer. As I was just dwelling in the moment, the Lord reminded me of a verse I had been chewing on the past few weeks. 

"For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome." 1 John 5:3

With that, I found peace. My desire was to have reverence of my God like the people around me in the Catholic mass service. My desire was to be near to Him like a friend. My desire was to keep His commandments because I know they are good. My desire was to love Him with my heart, mind, and soul. And my human intentions were to start spinning my plates to make it happen. But instead, I held firm to the truth of His word. 

"For this is the love of God...his commandments are not burdensome."