"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that the prisoner was you"
-Lewis B. Smedes
The above quote has been a theme quote for my life. I've realized that when I am unwilling to forgive, I unknowingly make myself a prisoner. This happens more often then I care to admit. It is usually a small seed of hurt that gets planted into my heart and blooms into a monster of bitterness and resentment. I rarely process or recognize the hurt, which results in me allowing the unforgiving monster to grow. But when I intentionally set aside time to ask the Holy Spirit if I am withholding forgiveness from someone, He always shows me someone I never expected. It's amazing to me how I don't recognize that the smallest things affect me.
As I took time to listen to the Holy Spirit's leading, He clearly reminded me of a situation with a friend where I was withholding forgiveness. The only problem was that the situation happened almost TWO YEARS AGO. Now, asking for forgiveness is one thing. I can handle that. But admitting that I had unknowingly been resenting someone for something they did two years ago....now my pride can't deal with that.
Eventually I realized that setting aside my pride was the cost I had to pay to kill this bitter, resenting monster inside of me. After a bit of a wrestling match, I realized it was a price that I was willing to pay in order to be transformed into the likeness of Christ. So I had a conversation with this person and acknowledged the hurt, said I was sorry, and asked for forgiveness.
And I felt exactly the same.
I felt a bit of a sense of relief that there was no longer a seed of bitterness, but overall I didn't feel any major change. There were no tears. There was no yelling. There was no booming voice of the Lord interfering. But it happened. And although I didn't feel any major difference, I believe that God knew I was a prisoner to this unforgiving monster and that He had a better plan for me. Despite the fact that it felt like I became vulnerable for no reason, I trust that the result was God transforming me. This process began as a "forgiveness project", but the moral of the story was obedience and trust.
Obedience in responding to the Holy Spirit and trust that He will follow through with the heart change.
That's an incredibly interesting story, it makes me wonder what things I've been holding onto for years that I need to forgive someone or ask for forgiveness for. Thanks for sharing Jess!
ReplyDeleteWay to be bold, Jess! It's been awesome so to see how you have responded in obedience in the past six months. It seems you have been overcoming some pretty significant stuff in your life. I'm excited to see how the Holy Spirit will continue to mold and shape you over the next few years!
ReplyDeleteJess, I experienced something similar - following the lead of the Holy Spirit in my life this week did not lead to an earth shattering awakening in my life. There has been more of a sense of grounding, calmness, and peace. I still want earthquakes, but I'll settle for peace. Dangaran
ReplyDeleteYou are gold, Jess. Thanks for being honest about your process! You are being molded as you have uncomfortable experiences with following the Lord... As hard as that is, lean into it. He's holding your hand every step of the way.
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